New rotting fruit art!

February 23rd, 2021

I’ve spoken about the amazing work of Kathleen Ryan before. It appears she’s made new fruit and I love them.

I assumed the fruit was larger than life but I had no idea how much larger. It makes me wonder how big her beads are. My beads, even my biggest ones, would not cut it.

Live-reacting to the Superb Owl. It’s going to be very sportsy.*

February 8th, 2021

Tom Brady plays for the Buccaneers now? When did that happen? I thought he played for the New England Kraft Mac ‘n’ Cheez team! It’s really hard to follow football when you only watch one day a year.

Wow, I don’t care about 99% of this. There had better be some good commercials. I’m interested in what The Weeknd does with the halftime show.

Regarding who I’m rooting for, here is my Facebook post from earlier this week:

I always tear up when someone sings the Black national anthem (“Lift Every Voice and Sing”). Waaaaay better than the milky-white one.

Oooo there’s a show coming out based on Silence of the Lambs and they’re using the font from the original movie! Nice touch.

Holy crap, Paramount put their mountain with stars behind the stadium using some green screen whatnot and I seriously thought there was a giant mountain with stars hovering in the sky. I do not know what is real and what is fake anymore. It’s the end days, people! Stop messing with my head!

They’re doing a really beautiful film that meant to evoke emotions and it’s evoking emotions. I’m trying to fight it because it’s intentionally treacly but I’m losing. I was fine with the parents of the players talking about how much they love their kids but one of the players left to go work in a hospital in Canada during Covid. He gave up on his Super Bowl dreams to help people. Right in the feels.

The Chiefs fan chant is so incredibly racist. Look it up. They need to catch up with the times. My God.

I do not know the two people singing the national anthem. This is shaping up to be a profoundly underwhelming experience.

I’m going to ignore Amanda Gorman the national youth poet laureate because that felt weird and inappropriate.

Okay, the coin toss. That means they’re going to start playing which is where I check out. I’m going to go on Tumblr until something happens worth acknowledging.

M&M commercial with Dan Levy is good.

Logitech commercial with Lil Nas X is good. Love that makeup artist.

New M. Night Shyamalan movie looks good.

Daveed Diggs rapping with Sesame Street is good.

I am rooting for the Buccaneers because I like the color choices on their pants. #sports

The Doritos commercial with  Matthew Mcconaughey is not good.

Dr. Squatch: Nope. Natural soap for men will not cut it. They need detergent. Otherwise they smell like goats.

I just learned the Empire State Building is lit in the two colors of the teams and flashes the teams color when that team gets a goal. Next time I will try to find a place with a view so I can see that.

The Buccaneers are destroying the Chiefs and now it’s the halftime show. I’m happy because I despise the racism of the Chiefs but I’m sad because I’m sick of Tom Brady’s stupid face.

The set The Weeknd starts on is clever, it looks like a poster but it’s 3D. They use trickery of the eye.

Did an angel-demon hybrid fall out of the sky, what the actual hell?

Oh, it’s just a cyborg gospel choir.

Wow, he goes backstage and it’s a carnival mirror maze, so cool.

I love this.

He’s singing “I Can’t Feel My Face When I’m With You” and dancers all have nose job gauze wrappings that cover their mouths as well, great way to work masks into the performance.

Now everyone is out on the field and either they’re using plastic filters on some of the cameras or we, as a nation, have astigmatism.

Ah, fireworks, that means we’re done with half time. And I am done with this game. Anything that happens after now matters not to me.

Addendum: The Reddit ad is clever and I like it. It references owls as well, extra points for that.

*This is a lie.

Beaver Skull. Here we go.

February 2nd, 2021

Remember Deer Skull? In a moment of weakness I bought a beaver skull. C’mon guys, it was on sale! I got it for cheaper because the front teeth, the most valuable part of the skull, were broken at the tips. I’m going to cover the whole skull with beads similar to the deer but in gold and jewel tones. I have a lot of beads left over from the acorn necklace.

And after my dad died I submitted a 6″ x 6″ tile to the Museum of Beadwork, I used more of those metallic beads there.

So for this skull instead of matching the color of the bone I’m going hard in the opposite direction. I painted the everything except the teeth blue and put blue and green felt on areas where I might want to shove in some decorative pins. I need a substrate to shove the pins into and bone is notoriously resistant.

I used Apoxie Sculpt to mold clean ends on the teeth. I can cover those bits with beads and you’ll never know they were janky and broken. Fun fact: The reason the fronts of the teeth are orange is because that’s rust. Their teeth are covered with iron.

I want there to be a gold line going from the forehead to the back. Lord, this has been a journey. I first beaded a beautiful strip. I couldn’t believe the richness of the gold color. Then I realized the richness is due to the beads being covered in 24K gold. I had forgotten I had bought them. I am very much not using those beads on a frikkin’ beaver skull so I took it apart.

Attempt #2. I decided I wanted it to be a pointed stripe fading into dark blue. The color blend was too chunky so that one was scrapped.

Attempt #3. Nope.

Attempt #4. YES.

I will clip those loose threads and I can fix the wobbliness when I glue it down by pushing it around until it sets.

That took a solid week to make one strip. This learning curve needs to pick up but I’ll get there. Eventually.

Let’s start the 2021 on the right foot. With charts.

January 15th, 2021

Several of my favorite charts, the Venn Diagram, which pleases me.

 

And check out this extremely beautiful infographic. I love it.

Art and design. Choices are made. Not all of them are great.

January 7th, 2021

Design is my career so I unintentionally look at everything and check spacing, check colors, check legibility, check line breaks, etc. It’s maybe not the best trait because I can’t ignore bad art and design which is all over the place. Allow me to share.

Swishy brush fonts are tough. Too much swishy and it looks like a different letter. And sometimes the swishies between two letters touch and you get problems. Let’s not forget the “Clint” nametag incident. “Curt” isn’t workin’ too good either.

Back when we could go places I used to frequent a Korean takeout place. This was the packaging for their chopsticks.

I thought it said OW! for way too long.

Good To Go! A lovely cafe in White Plains where I live. Look at how the tree is nestled between the D and the T. That works.

So why is your overhang this? Why? With the tree as the T? Which is a similar brown to the sign so you can’t see it? It you made the tree white it might have been fine. Please get ladder and fix. Please. It hurts my heart.

I used to pass this in Grand Central Terminal every day.

Perfect. Papyrus, now with the addition of Comic Sans. It’s circled back around to glorious.

And finally…

Everything. Everything is wrong with this. And I had to stare directly at it when I went to the bathroom. Truly blessed.

 

Addendum: I love how each animal gets crappier as your eye slides down the painting.

Merry Christmas and and I Hate Willy Wonka.

December 27th, 2020

It’s been a craptacular year and I thought I would try to improve Christmas with a video. Please enjoy.

My dream tile.

December 21st, 2020

I collect art nouveau tiles. I’ve talked about my Wall O’ Tiles previously. I periodically buy new tiles and swap them out with tiles I don’t totally love. I usually spend somewhere between $25.00 – $65.00. I’ve found some real treasures but there have always been a few I knew I could never have. The primary one is a flower that shows up in every “check out these baller tiles” collage.

One day I was hanging out on eBay looking at tiles when… there it was. For sale. With 14 people bidding on it. So I decided that’s it, I’m going to bid on it, and I did some aggressive soul-searching on what I was willing to spend on it. I went with $350.00 and walked away. I would let the eBay gods decide if I won or not. I cannot convey to you how psyched I was to get the “You’ve won!” email. The bidding ended at $306.00.

I own it, guys. I own the dream tile. I also found a the same tile with a different glaze and it was like $55.00 because you totally can’t see those sweet little flowers in the background. I wanted to have the lesser version to show why the great version is so great.

Dribs and drabs of awesome stuff.

December 19th, 2020

1. I joined a group on Facebook called Crustacean Memes for Crabby Fiends.

I love when a someone invents a pleasant but irrelevant meme and out of nowhere it catches on and then it becomes its own thing. That is how we got Reginald.

Seems pretty innocuous. But he seemed to touch people’s hearts and a Life of Reginald was born.

Update: The Crustacean fan group is at war with the Ant fan group! And now the Snail fan group is getting involved!

 

2. When I worked at Publicis I walked past the H&M store on Fifth Avenue. Their window displays were well-designed. However, there are always choices made that are, I don’t know, odd. Counter-intuitive. Allow me to present you with an example.

Wrapped gifts! How nice. Oh, ice skates and a robot!

And a globe! Globes are a great gift. So round and informative.

Wow, a motorcycle!

Musical instruments!

And an enormous cactus. In a bathtub. Wrapped. Like gifts.

That threw me for a loop every time I saw that.

Also in the Rockefeller Center is a Cole Haan store. Cole Haan is pleasant, I loved a purse they had twenty years ago and I loved their summer lobster flip flops a couple years back but that’s pretty much it. Again with the however, they were doing some all-over approach with spikes and I am here for it.

Those shoes are great. If they come in black I will struggle not to buy them. So minimal but then spikes.

 

3. I don’t know what I’ve clicked on to get Facebook to get these news articles but I am a-okay with it.

 

4. Billie Eilish is a musician that’s very popular right now. Someone did a cover of one of her songs on a variety of pumpkins and I might like it better than the original.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlzqHmUqrfM

 

5. I saw a man walking his chicken on a leash in New York. It was a very good-natured chicken.

 

6. And finally, at first glance I was CONVINCED this was someone massaging legs that were horribly broken in a car accident, not someone making bread.

Been craftin’.

November 30th, 2020

It had been a solid two years since I made a new purse. In case you’re new here, I liked one type of purse in 2007. It’s a simple messenger bag and I since I have no shoulders I have to wear a messenger bag so it stays on my body and doesn’t gently shimmy down my arm. One day I found out the company that makes this messenger bag was going out of business so I bought their entire stock. Which was about sixty bags. So now I must wear this brand of purse until I die. I’m not upset about it but in case anyone thought I would use a different one ever, I will not. I draw and paint on them, here are some past examples.

See? Fun. After allowing my last one to descend into complete decay (strap ripping off, stains of various shapes and sizes, a color found only in British bogs, probably mold) I got my act together and painted a new one. I used some high-class glitter chunks I bought on Etsy and now it’s a pretty little number.

I’ve also made The Happy Pear. Lemme tell you about The Happy Pear. Snorth’s niece drew her a picture of a terrifying being with a considerable ass. When Snorth asked what it was the niece said, “It’s a happy pear!”

Snorth then had to arrange her face to be like “Yeah, it sure is!” when we all can see it is not. If anything it’s a demon pear. The eyes turned to the viewer and the pointy teeth, while smiling, do not convey happiness what so ever. Plus the niece decided it was Opposite Day and in an attempt to convey that she wrote “AS” on the left to represent Aunt Snorth and then crossed it out. One family member said, “What kind of voodoo sh*t is that?” The second I saw this I felt compelled to portray it through sculpture. It didn’t turn out how I wanted but I had spent three days working on it and that’s exactly as much time as I wished to devote to this pear. My proportions are off and I should add more meat to the badonkadonk but I’m done.

Please enjoy The Happy Pear.

I needle-felted the body. I really like needle-felting. You add stuff by stabbing and then if that doesn’t work you cut stuff away by slicing and then you add more stuff over the scar from where you cut it by stabbing. It’s very cathartic. Plus it makes a little crunching noise like a hamster eating crisp vegetables so there’s unintentional ASMR there too. I traced the eyes and mouth using purple and blue glitter pens because why not, then I resin coated them and attached them via screws I had left over from an Ikea project. They ain’t never coming out.

I created two Shrinky Dink charms that swing from the bottom of the pear. Shrinky Dink plastic is hard and very unlikely to break. One is the barfing fish from the top of the drawing and the other is a voodoo doll with AS crossed out. They are both covered by resin mixed with glitter.

I hope Snorth likes her Christmas present. I will update her response.

The Stranger and Models.

November 20th, 2020

I am, like most everybody, binging TV like it is my job. I blast through whole series in a matter of days, sometimes day, singular. I enjoy a good British police procedural or a whodunnit so I stumbled on The Stranger. The official description:

“A mysterious stranger tells a man a secret that has a devastating impact on his seemingly perfect life. This Stranger is a woman in her 20s with a baseball cap, and is learned to be correlated with more secrets as the series progresses. This secret affects the man’s wife who goes missing as a result.”

It was a fine show, nothing special. I wouldn’t recommend it but I wouldn’t not recommend it. There were only two things that really stuck with me. One, the lead character has really great tiles in their foyer. Every time the entryway came on screen I didn’t hear what was happening, they could have told who the stranger was and I would have missed it.

Two, odd opening sequence. It starts like your typical show of this nature: Drone footage of gloomy countryside, closeups on small items that will be important, etc.

But near the end it took an odd turn. A llama plays a small role in this show but when you’re watching the first episode you don’t know that so out of nowhere this creepy-as-hell 3D llama head shows up. The camera zooms in on its giant wet globular eye and a bonfire is reflected. Again, a bonfire plays a role in this show but you don’t know that. It gives the impression that an all-seeing, all-knowing llama who may or may not be a satanist / terminator is a critical part of this British countryside mystery thriller. I think I audibly said, “What’s this now?”

 

The other thing I’ve been thinking about is this trend to have very “real” looking models. Like, not unattainable beauty, but all manner of beauty. Sephora has been really good about showing this.

Gucci is also on this bandwagon which is great. The only problem is it seems like they’re going out of their way to make the photos as unattractive as possible. One of them came up on my Facebook feed and I was like, “Nope. Too much. Too close, too bright, all the ‘too’s.”

Either the models need to be appealing or the photography style needs to be appealing. You can’t have neither.

 

Update 12/21/2020: Gucci. Gucci, stop. Just stop.