1. I work with Nelly and Nelly has a dog, a maltese named Ruby, who came to work a week ago. Ruby is a lovely little fluffy thing who plays with you and wiggles her butt stub masquerading as a tail and is generally all kind of sweet. But being at work all day is boring, so she spent most of her day chillin’ in her carry bag, looking like this:
What could it be? Perhaps a large hairy white muffin? And then you’d say, “Hey Ruby…” and you’d get this:
So cute! I did that about sixty times.
2. I was visiting Neenernator this weekend and, as usual, being unable to do anything but watch her totally rad fishtank. She has a Jack Dempsey:
And an albino pleco (suckerfish):
And a festive variety of other fishies (those are my favorites). She also has two lumpy iridescent blue fish, a male and a female. We were looking at them on Saturday and we noticed the female’s fins were shredded and thin. I expressed concern that it could be fin rot, and then the male sauntered up and started chomping on the lady bluefish’s fins. Just chewing on them with his teeny-tiny teeth. I was like, “Wha…?” and Neenernator said, “Yeah, that’s how he courts her. See all the scars on their faces? They bite each other’s faces and hang on and drag each other around the tank.” This has to be the worst courting ritual EVER. It’s way worse than the schoolyard prank of shoving a snowball down the back of the shirt of the girl who interests you. What do the fish do in the wild? Does a male saunter up to another male and say, “Look over there. She that fish that looks like Frankenstein’s monster, who can’t swim around because her fins are like wet toilet paper? Aww yeah. She’s my girl. Gonna make a great mom one day, if I don’t gnaw on her and make her all mangledy in the baby-making parts. Because that’s love, dawg, that’s love.”
3. Speaking of fish, I hung my deep-sea fish paintings in my apartment. I really don’t like to hang my own art in my own place, it makes me feel arrogant (“Only MY art is worthy of MY walls”) and self-centered. But my momma loves the fishes and she wants to see them all the time, so I did it. And here they are, in all their fishy glory.