Meet my deviated septum.

Everyone who’s ever slept in a room with me thinks I have a horrble sleeping disorder – a lot of thrashing and grunting and snoring and violent spasms – and I always wake up feeling just as tired as I was going to sleep, so I finally decided to get a test for sleep apnea. Whoo boy, is that convoluted. I met with the family ENT doc who set me up with a cat scan, an allergist, and a sleep study program. Then he’s going to view the results and probably give me a Darth Vader-like machine that I will have to wear while I sleep because apparently my raw sex appeal was too overwhelming and they needed to tone it down. Anyway, I had my cat scan today and I learned an important lesson about myself – I am crookedy. Let me explain: If you were to bisect a person down the middle of their body, from the top of their head, right through the center of their ribcage, most of the things on one side would mirror the things on the other side very closely (liver and heart and a bunch of other stuff excluded). Today I had my sinuses scanned, and I expected to see one nostril/sinus look very similar to the other one, and I was WRONG.

deviated-septum

Never mind that the nostril cavities look like they’re from different people, notice how my septum just scuttles off to the side there. There’s no straightness or symmetry to be found anywhere.

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