You wanted to learn about a dick museum? Well, it’s your lucky day!
But first, a dick-free portion.
The Icelandic language looks like old, old, old, OLD English. Like Very First English. But you can see the similarities between the two languages.
Look at this fun poster encouraging Icelanders to learn French! I took this mainly for the sheep’s face.
Palate cleanser over. You prepared? Here we go.
The Phallological Museum of Iceland is very small; It’s one room and it very clearly was started by one exceptionally creepy man who loved man junk and collected all the options. One day he said to himself, “Hey, Creepy Guy, I should make money by sharing this with the world,” and so he has. The first thought that comes to mind is “variety”. The second thought is “pickled naked mole rat” because dismembered genitals sitting in jars do not look their best. Let’s visit, shall we?
We got some horse dick:
Elephant and whale dick:
Big dicks, small dicks:
Super teeny tiny dicks:
Edible cured dick:
Tired of side dick? How about straight-on dick?
A goat head with no dicks in proximity and all the explanations were in Icelandic so no clue what’s going on here:
Dicks as planters and scrotums as light fixtures because why should these dead animals have any dignity:
Dick bones (most mammals have them):
And then people stuff. The people stuff bothered me a bunch. It felt very, “Heheheh, people are gonna be looking at my twigs n’ berries, look at ’em, yeah.” I felt like I was an unwilling participant in someone’s fetish. Therefore I will spare you a picture of the 95-year-old-man to donated his genitals and they are on display. If you want to know what they looked like, think of whatever you think a 95-year-old man’s genitals would look like. There you go. I did like the metal casts of the entire Icelandic handball team.
You get the gist. Are we good? Do we feel like I covered this? Excellent. Moving on.
The docks! Cricket and I went to the docks. Not surprisingly as Iceland is a seafaring nation. At the Maritime Museum we got to take a tour of a boat used in the Cod Wars. I did not mistype. The Cod Wars was about fishing rights around England and Iceland. No one died but many boats smashed into other boats and several people needed to be rescued. The boat we were on was a Coast Guard boat and only recently retired.
The item I thought was the coolest on board was the mine. Everybody see Finding Nemo? Remember the scene with the sharks and the pokey metal balls on chains that blew up? I got to see one up close and in person. It was left over from WWII and one of this boat’s jobs was to sniff these guys out.
The museum itself explained the history of fishing in Iceland and they had real dead desiccated fish in their display.
A lot of dead fish.
And this jaunty poem.
To end this post on a classy note the primary reason Cricket and Mishi wanted to go to Iceland in the winter was the see the northern lights. We expected to see them all week but there were clouds. Finally, on the last night, there they were.
I probably would have enjoyed them more if I hadn’t been sitting in the car yelling about the Communists and the Illuminati. Let me explain. We were sitting on a mountain and all of a sudden there was a faint green glow. We all asked each other, “Is that it? Do you think that’s it?” and five minutes later the green glow had built into a giant stripe across the sky and bits of the stripes were dancing, DANCING, I tell you. Look:
Not right. Green lights dancing through the sky is un-right. Ergo me sitting in the car reacting like a flat-earth enthusiast. It’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong, it’s just… I can understand why ancient civilizations might be freaked out.
Next post: Food. And Harpa. Then done.