The Olympics Opening Ceremonies Live.

July 26th, 2021

They’re still calling it Tokyo 2020. I guess they had everything designed and didn’t want to change it.

The 5,000 medals are made completely from e-waste. The Japanese donated all their electronic crap and factories spent hours and hours extracting the precious metals. I think that’s cool.

Hey Steve Kornacki! Kornacki’s Khakis back in effect! You give me those stats I neither needed or wanted, Steve! Glad to hear ’em!

Okay, official opening ceremony has started. There is no audience in the stadium. It gives it a kind of gravitas.

Wait a minute, the Emperor of Japan is wearing a boring West-style suit? Dude, he’s the Emperor. I would wear the fanciest robes and accoutrement I have in my vault. Lord knows one doesn’t get too many opportunities to rock your finest Appointed-by-God attire.

Beautiful opening video.

They have an enormous Mt. Fugi with an orb on top to represent the true name of Japan, Land of the Rising Sun.

The flag also represents Land of the Rising Sun. Which is why I think this design for the Tokyo Olympics is better than the one they chose.

They’re using a lot of light painting on the floor and it is gorgeous. One of my favorite examples of that is this Kylie Minogue video.

Oooo, they got real weird and performance-arty with this. I feel like this MoMA thing is going to go over the head of… most of everyone in the world. Don’t get me wrong, it’s gorgeous but it’s a bit more Twyla Tharp-y then I think this audience can handle.

Didn’t think during the portion on the rich history of Japanese carpentry there would be tap-dancing but okay. It definitely conveys wood is hard.

Oh hell yeah, the lesbian goth hand-voguing girls Ayabambi are there! Bold move!

Okay, they’re making up countries at this point. Comoros? And every island in the Caribbean is its own country? My U.S. public school education is showing.

The people walking the teams in and cheering on the sides represent manga comics. I love how each country’s sign is in the manga screaming talk bubble. When the characters speak normally, it’s plain round speech bubbles.

But when the characters scream, there are lines like rays of light shooting outward.

Due to that, I read every country’s name as a shrieking harpy.

All the countries are in. And now they’re doing some horribly awkward thing in bad wigs with colored boxes to show unity and I’m out. Nighty-night everyone.

 

P.S. Immediately after I turned off the TV there was some awesome stuff with 1800 drones. But there was a epically cringe-y version of “Imagine” that rotted my teeth so I ain’t sad about that.

Here’s the drone portion.

Museums.

July 21st, 2021

I visited San Francisco before The Pannie and I was delighted to find out there was an exhibition on Burning Man which, while fantastic, was problematic because now I am so hungry to go back. If one remembers I went in 2012 and while the dust and sun made me wanna DIIIIIEE the art was so unbelievable I would forget the horrors of nature for hours at a time. And the exhibit reminded me of that.

The left had an art car of a dragon made entirely from kitchen supplies, a bus that had been transformed into a movie theater that showed old black-and-white movies and origami-style mushrooms that cycled through the rainbow and extended / contracted when you pressed a button. Oh my God, guys.

There was also an enormous Arc du Triomphe-style collapsable arc. You can appreciate the color-changing mushrooms in the background.

There also had some outfits on display which was fine, not as exciting as the large pieces but still, stunning workmanship.

I was there with Nessa and we ended up walking through the rest of the museum and I saw my dream piece. I’ve made it abundantly clear my feelings on ocellated turkeys (I’m pro in a big way) so off in the distance I thought I saw something truly magical. And I was right.

It was made of clay and I wanted in my possession immediately. It’s good it was in a glass case because I would have tucked it under my shirt and bolted with it.

I recently went to the Cloisters, a museum in New York specializing in the Middle and Dark Ages of Europe. It was painfully obvious that no one had ever seen a lion, heard of a lion except in the bible and didn’t even know lions were felines. It was rough.

Not a decent one in the bunch. You clearly had skills, look at that golden rooster. Totally looks like a rooster. Europe had wolves, why didn’t you carve wolves? Your lions are so bad.

To redeem their art skills there was a drawing on a dandelion in a very small book. The detail work was exquisite.

If you’re in the San Francisco area, go to the Oakland Museum of California. The Burning Man exhibit is long gone but they have great exhibits all the time. And if you’re in the New York area, go to the Cloisters. The gardens are wonderful and the permanent collection is excellent.

PTAC Improvement Part Finished.

July 14th, 2021

Okay! I did it! It is extremely good considering I had no idea what I was doing.

I spray-painted the PTAC casing with spray paint meant for plastic but it never looked crispy-white, there was still a whole lotta beige. So I sponged Ye Olde White Rust-oleum Enamel Paint all over which made it a bit shiny but that’s okay, at least now it’s white. I have a major bone to pick with the design department at GE. I wanted to buy white silicone. White. Here’s what the white silicone looks like:

And here is what the clear silicone looks like:

The only difference is a teeny-tiny word in the corner. That’s it.

Yeah. Which is how I ended up with several tubes of clear. It’s fine, I used it for the base layer to lock in the foam and then used the white for the final visible layer. That way I’m sure there’s no air leaks all around.

Fun fact: I don’t think you’re supposed to put the silicone on after you’ve put the plastic faceplate on because now I have rendered it impossible to open but ehhh, it looks smooth and if anyone needs access I can slice the silicone neatly along the edge and patch it when it goes back. I have no regrets.

Is it glorious? No. But it doesn’t punch you in the face with its ugliness as you enter the room. Your brain doesn’t even acknowledge its existence which is really what I was going for. Quick reminder of the before:

VERY noticeable. VERY hooogly. Now, vastly improved. I’m quite pleased with myself. Pat on the back to me.

Jessica Describes Stuff – NSFW. Basic Instinct.

June 23rd, 2021

While I am in the midst of learning how silicone caulk works (so sticky!), I made a video about the sensual thriller Basic Instinct.

PTAC improvement, Part 2.

June 16th, 2021

Okay! I went to the local hardware store (support your local hardware store) and got that foam filler as well as white silicone glop. I cut all the foam to fill in all the gaps. Look at that love, that care.

Then I cleaned off the housing and good Lordt, the grime. Look at these swiffers.

Now, because removing the caulk ripped off a lot of layers of wall, I took small bits of paper and put it back with glue so I’ll have a relatively flat surface to spackle on. Remember, we’re not going for flawless, we’re going for not so wretched that it catches your eye.

Next I do a little spackle-y spackle-y, and little sand-y sand-y, a little paint-y paint-y and then the silicone glop. We should be good then.

Home improvements! A thing that I do! Part 1.

June 11th, 2021

A few years back I had the PTAC replaced in my bedroom. A PTAC, in case you don’t know, is a heating and cooling unit that hangs out under a window. Hotels have them.

Unfortunately, they do not come in a variety of flavors and colors. They’re all pretty much the same.

Beige, beige, dirty eggshell, beige and, for a change, beige. I wasn’t in my apartment when the people installed mine so when I got home I was appalled by the workmanship. I’ve never seen a more “Here’s your stupid appliance now shut the hell up” job in my life.

I mean, look at how they slathered the silicone. Did they use a spoon? It’s an actual tragedy.

Anyway, after angrily staring at this for years, I decided to finally do something about it. I chose to pull off the silicone and reapply it with care and also to paint the plastic housing so it’s white and matches the wall. I started with the left-hand corner.

I learned that the installers stuffed this foam filler in the space so when I go to the hardware store I need to buy something similar.

And then I realized I needed to pull the front of the PTAC off to remove all the silicone.

Do I know how to put it back? No, I very much do not. But I’ll figure it out, and in the meantime I can clean off all the dusty crusty whatnot that’s been there for I don’t know how long. I’ll keep everyone posted on how this goes. Thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers.

Why I should not be in control of my finances, #643.

June 1st, 2021

I recently learned the most interesting piece of information: Bone Music.

The short version is after WWII Western music was banned in the USSR (no surprises there). But the cool kids desperately wanted to hear this music. One guy snuck in a bunch of records but there was no vinyl or petroleum or any material to copy the records. Then someone had a brilliant idea – use all the discarded X-rays from the hospitals. That’s how this got the name Bone Music. Here’s some additional information from Wikipedia:

Medical X-rays, purchased or picked out of the trash from hospitals and clinics, were used to create the recordings. The X-rays were cut into 7-inch discs and the center hole was burned into the disc with a cigarette. According to Russian music critic and rock journalist Artemy Troitsky, “grooves were cut [at 78rpm] with the help of special machines (made, they say, from old phonographs by skilled conspiratorial hands)”; he added that the “quality was awful, but the price was low, a ruble or a ruble and a half.” The disks could be played five to ten times…. The clandestine approach to circulating banned popular foreign music eventually led to a law being passed in 1958 that forbade the home-production of recordings of “a criminally hooligan trend”. The “hooligan trend” refers to the stilyagi (from the word stil’ meaning style in Russian), a Soviet youth subculture known for embracing Western styles of dress and dance.

Which is how I ended up on eBay and now own a bone record of “Beer Barrel Polka” on a pelvis.

Artists I am feeling right now.

May 16th, 2021

Heather Penn. If you ask me you will learn that I can draw many things, and many things very well, but I can’t draw rocks. Cliffs, piles of rocks, I suck at them. I mean, I can draw them, they just don’t look like rocks. Sometimes they look like pillows, sometimes they look like potatoes, it varies. Therefore I am smitten and not a small bit envious of Heather Penn. Look at her lush artwork. It draws you in.

Heather sells calendars and is starting to get into 3D, I think she’s creating a game studio. https://www.instagram.com/heatpenn/?hl=en

 

Kazuma Nagai.  I first learned of this Japanese artist when I saw the silver slugs.

I dug a little deeper into his work and he gets weird. I love it.

I don’t where he sells his work but you can follow him on his instagram as well. https://www.instagram.com/slughorse/?hl=en

Sometimes I worry about Japan.

May 5th, 2021

I keep getting ads for a place called Sugoi Mart. They seem fine, normal, mentally sound.

But now I get different ads. Disturbing. Concerning. Off-putting.

Hey, Sugoi Mart, you okay? Do you need someone to come get you? Let me know if you need a hand there.

 

Addendum – 5/16/2021: That have posted additional products. My concern has not ebbed.

Randomry you didn’t know you needed, but you do.

May 1st, 2021

1. Mirabelle the Snail by Snuff Puppets.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAQSNBNsUOY

The music really compliments the video. If I saw that crossing the road I would need an asthma inhaler, I’d be laughing so hard.

 

2. There’s an episode of the older Ducktales (I still know all the words to the theme song for some reason) where, in the back, the eye chart says “Ask about the Illuminati.” I’m sure conspiracy theorists got all manner of excited about that.

 

3. Did not know about this creepy-as-hell mask women used to wear. You would have to hold it in place using your teeth. I imagine your jaw would get really tired being clamped like that. Never mind the potential for drooling.

 

4. I love this. There’s a commercial for a birth control product called Paragard. The commercial has smiling dancing people. However, as the commercial ends, it is clear the director called cut and the actors were like “whatever, just give me my paycheck already.” I guess that was supposed to be edited out but it was not. The tall dude in the middle actually checks his watch. But my favorite is the curly-haired blonde on the left.

 

5. I was working at an advertising agency when I noticed a rainbow on the wall. The sun was hitting something and throwing up that rainbow. Before it was gone I ran to the window and it was an crystal award shaped like a pyramid! Pink Floyd!

 

6. I saw a sculpture that I assumed was a joke. It is not a joke. It’s a legit sculpture. With dick grabby-grabby.

The story has man-eating horses. Trust the Greek gods to be absolute lunatics.

I tried to find this sculpture as a lawn ornament but the tallest version I found was 14 inches and like $100. If anyone finds it in lawn ornament size and at a reasonable price, please let me know.