My apartment.

But first:

There’s a funeral parlor in the town next to my parents, in Port Chester NY. I have loved and coveted this funeral parlor for years. It’s a white ornate Victorian house with two staircases, a wraparound porch, a turret-y thing, adorable windows and details, etc. Oh, I want it so bad. It sits on a hill a ways away from the street, so as you come down the hill, (angels singing) Aaaaaaahhhhhhh…, there it is. AND NOW IT’S FOR SALE. It needs a good coat of paint and some TLC, but damn, if I hadn’t just bought an apartment, I would snap this place up in a second. So if anyone out there has however much they’re asking for this big ole painted lady, can I please have the money so I can buy my dream house? Thank you.


And now, my apartment! As told through photography!


Well, as you can see, there’s no more mirrored wall. And it’s been sheet-rocked over. We’re getting there. Now the room doesn’t toy with your sense of perspective, making you think the room is bigger than it is, and then BLAM you’re slammed in the face by a mirror and you’re sad and you have a dent on your forehead. So that’s good.


That’s my super-phenomenal boyfriend Cricket attempting to figure out how to change my cabinet doors should I want to (and I want to). I made a budget for myself for my kitchen of $10,000. Don’t laugh, I’m trying to achieve it and I may make it still. I found a place in Pennsylvania that makes cabinet doors and you have to stain them, put the hardware on them and install them yourself, but it whacks the price way down. So that is what Cricket is attempting to figure out, whether we can attach the doors and not have them catch on each other or chip on each other or just rip the hell out of the cabinets.


Look! I have a tub! With fancy-shmancy tile! The tile makes my bathroom look like a W hotel or a spa. It’s soooooothing, which is pretty much what I was going for. I didn’t want a zesty bathroom with lots of pizzaz. I wanted a bathroom a Buddist would walk into and meditate in.


Now, this is what’s next to the tub (read: nothing). There is a distinct absence of a pooping device and a hand-washing device (and a floor), but that’s all getting done this week, and then maybe I can move in! Someday soon! Like before my birthday (July 31st)! Hurrah and Hippity Skip!

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