I saw the Ghostbusters movie for the first time last night. Sadly, it was terrible. Like, really, really awful. I think the problem was that I saw it when I was too old. If I had been thirteen or so I would have probably been okay with its many tragic flaws (which I will go into momentarily). This is the same problem I had with Star Wars. My first time seeing Star Wars was when it was in the theaters in 1997. I was 20 years old. I didn’t like the first one, I slept through most of the second one, and I didn’t bother to see the third. I won’t go into why I didn’t care for the Star Wars trilogy¬†*cough* atrociousdialog *cough* but I think Ghostbusters is the same situation. Okay, my thoughts on Ghostbusters, both positive and negative thoughts.

1. THE MOST WOODEN DELIVERY OF LINES EVER DELIVERED, EVER. I know Bill Murray and Dan Ackroyd can act, I’ve seen them do it. Not in this film, though. I’ve seen pornos with better acting than this.

2. So. Much. Smoking. I won’t lie, I loved it. I had a big ole nostalgic moment to films where you could smoke and drink and not worry about, “The children, oh God, who will think of the children!!!!” I don’t smoke, but if your characters are down-and-out social outcasts, bring on the ciggies.

3. I want the Ghostbusters car/ambulance/hearse/whatever. Also, I want to live in an abandoned fire station in New York. Someone needs to get on that.

4. What the hell is with the dogs and the gatekeeper and the keymaster and that stupid David Bowie deity? It’s confusing and dumb and no ancient religion would be so sloppy.

5. The apocalypse being brought about by Mr. Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man is kinda rad.

6. Exactly what was the point of the fourth man coming in in the middle of the movie and joining the band? He doesn’t add anything. He doesn’t bring anything that hasn’t already been broughtened. Was it to appeal to a broader audience? I don’t understand the point of his character. If anyone can help me with this, I’d appreciate it.

6. Oh. stop-motion animation, how I both love and hate you. Sigh. Could you not have gotten Jim Henson to make you some terrifying puppets instead of those choppy-movement puppets a la Clash of the Titans? I bet if you’d given him a ring he would’ve helped you out.

I’ve been told repeatedly that I have to see the Indiana Jones trilogy, and I don’t think I ever will. Every time I see a recent classic I’m disappointed. I’ve seen the scene with the golden idol and the bag of sand, I’ve seen the sword vs. gun scene, I’ve seen the rolling rock-ball scene, and I’ve seen the Nazis going from solids to liquids. I think I’m good.

One Response to “Ghostbusters.”

  1. snorth says:

    WHAT!?! I’m going to Netflix the Indiana Jones movies and we are so watching them!

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