Teevee.

The Olympics have ended. Sigh. I really liked coming home and not having to think about what to watch – just turn on NBC until I go to sleep and watch awesome people do awesome things. Now I have to make an attempt to find things that interest me. I guess I’m back to watching people killing people and having forensics solve the murder (“When Natalie moved to this sleepy little town, she never suspected that blah blah found strangled in her kitchen and police suspected mumbleblah hair samples.”) One of the other things I love about the Olympics is the opening ceremony. Not the actual weird creative part, where giant puppet Voldemort fought one hundred Mary Poppins in a children’s hospital which was supposed to represent British literature and the excellent health care system they have there (I did not make one word of that up). No, it’s the part where all the countries walk in. The official languages of the Olympics are English and French, so they announce the names of the countries as they enter the arena in both those languages. I love accents and hearing other languages so very much. I have no idea why. My guess is it’s because it’s like seeing your own language through different eyes. You say all these words all the time, after a while it doesn’t matter, but hearing someone who is foreign to the tongue is like opening a window in your house you’ve never noticed. I never stop enjoying the French pronunciations of country names. I specifically wait for two countries because it sounds like this:

“CHINA! SHEEN!”

and

“JAMAICA! JAH-MAH-YEEK!”‘

So I watch the opening ceremonies specifically for that. I considered tuning in to the closing ceremony but I was working late so when I got home I caught a little bit of Fatboy Slim rocking the turntables inside of a giant light-up octopus, decided I was too tired to go on this British acid trip and turned it off.

Now that I’m back on regular television for the next two years I’m excited that Hoarders is coming back. I thought after watching Hoarders for the last few seasons I would be somewhat immune to the weirdness reality TV sometimes brings to my attention. I was wrong. Did any of you watch The Soup on August 8? The Soup is a recap show of all the more interesting things the television has granted us, and one of the things they covered was a show called Small Town Security. I could not get over how profoundly bizarre this clip was. Click on the August 8th Condensed Soup clip and fast-forward to 1:09 to see what I’m talking about.

http://www.thesouptv.com/clips

WHAT. THE. WHAT. Why is that guy dressed as a game show host from the 70s? What’s up with the guy in the fishing hat? Why doesn’t the woman’s face change at all when she laughs? Aren’t you supposed to smile when you laugh? The chihuahua is humping? The sheriff tinkles herself? I… I don’t understand. It’s like a bad dream. Not a nightmare, but a dream where you wake up and you’re out-of-sorts for the rest of the day, like you’re suddenly left-handed and nothing feels right. Oh television, please never fail to surprise me.

 

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