Wow. Just, wow.

While everyone with an ounce of taste and culture was watching the Season 3 premiere of Downton Abbey, I spent the day watching a Honey Boo Boo marathon and don’t you judge me. I’m just starting Season 2 of Downton and I didn’t want to jump ahead so shushit. After the season premiere of Honey Boo Boo there was a one-hour special called “Best Funeral Ever”, about the Golden Gate Funeral Home in Dallas, Texas. Apparently, a portion of the Southern African-American population observe something different than a funeral, something called a “homegoing”, because the deceased is going home to Heaven. And an even smaller portion of that group takes their homegoings to a new and special place, a place I have never been before, frankly, an insane place. I’m all for celebrating the life of the dearly departed, but this was crazypants. Please understand everything I say after this point is what I saw. I am not making any of this up.

The show followed around various Golden Gate employees. One of them was an out-and-proud homosexual named Trendnard who wore gloves that only covered his fingertips. He was forced to work with a lady named Eplunus on a Christmas-themed funeral where there was a nativity scene and farm animals. The coffin was brought in on a sleigh pulled by pallbearers wearing reindeer antlers. The ushers were dressed as elves. One of the attendees was a giant gingerbread man. It started snowing in the middle. But that wasn’t the most epic event. The mind-blower was the homegoing of the guy who wrote the Chili’s baby-back ribs jingle. His homegoing’s theme was a barbeque. There was a BBQ sauce fountain. All the funeral employees wore tall chef hats. The coffin was shaped like a smoker. The family was encouraged to get up individually and dip a rib in sauce in memory of their loved one. Then, THEN, a troupe of dancers dressed in white came in singing “Go Tell It On The Mountain” while carrying enormous Styrofoam racks of ribs on plates. It took four of them to hold one plate, that’s how big the ribs were. They would tip over the Flintstone car, they were huge. The least crazy was the guy who had spina bifida and therefore couldn’t go on any amusement park rides, so they brought his urn of ashes to the state fair and took him on all the rides. Big golden urn on rollercoasters. That was the least wacky. And I’m just going to say two words: professional mourners.

This show is supposed to be a one-off, but if it becomes popular enough they may make it into a series. And while I’m appalled by some of the aspects of this show, if the people who are in grief get solace from this, I wish them only the best. They are not hurting anyone. I imagine TLC will play it a bunch more times, so tell your DVR to tape it. Amazing.

I found a snippet of video on the BBQ homegoing.

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