Mental dust bunnies. And Macbeth.

1. Ooooh, ROASTED. Must remember all of these for forever.


2. I am flummoxed by several things I have seen recently. On my way from work, I went past one of the glittery costume jewelry stores on my route. I’ve mentioned them before. In addition to the clanky giant sparkle neck-festivals they sell, the stores often sell blinged-out household objects. Like this heart phone.


And this tissue box with a skull and crossbones on it.


But I didn’t understand this purse. Note the spikes poking out of the handle. How are you supposed to hold it? It would stab your palm or fingers if you grabbed it overhand or underhand. Fashion makes me drowsy and lethargic.


The second thing I saw was on my way home. I was going past the White Plains station and on the big screen attached to the parking garage, this came up.


Big Girl Panties? Someone wrote a book called Big Girl Panties? Half of me is like, “That is a new low, America,” and the other half of me is like, “Great, now I need to find a new title for my autobiography.”*

The THIRD thing (I gotta a lot of issues) was yesterday, when I went on Amazon and saw this:


Are they selling Bluray movies that just came out in the theaters? Is this a new thing? I always thought you didn’t release movies on DVD until the theater run was over. Could someone get back to me on this?


3. You may disagree with me, but the truth of the matter is the most poetic language in the world is… German. Hear me out. They have beautifully descriptive terms to name things. A light bulb is a “glow pear.” A television is a “far-see.” A coelacanth is a “many fins.” But more importantly, being the fathers of psychoanalysis, the Germans have terms for ethereal things. Everyone knows “schadenfreude,” which is taking pleasure in someone else’s suffering. But there is also “fremdschamen,” which is feeling vicariously embarrassed for someone else. And the newest term I’ve just learned – “kummerspeck,” the weight gained from emotional overeating. It is literally translated as “stress bacon.” Best. Language. Ever.


4. I saw Macbeth!

It was done as a one-man show by Alan Cumming. It was really great for a few reasons. One, he’s Scottish, so he did the show in his real accent (Macbeth takes place in Scotland). Two, he’s an amazing actor and a cool guy. I’ve been appreciating his work for years. Alan has been knighted by the Queen of England and he has his own fragrance called Cumming (get it?). Talk about taking lemons (a last name that is crazy-easy to make fun of by bullies) and making lemonade (creating your own scent that hopefully smells nothing like its namesake). Three, the sets and lighting was fantastic. It takes place in an insane asylum. That means lots of shiny tile and reflective metal tables and chairs. That makes it really difficult to keep light from pling-planging around the set. Natasha Chivers (the lighting designer) handled it like a pro. And the way they did the three witches was really cool. Since this takes place in a mental institution, there are cameras focused on Alan. Ones like this:

There were three big flatscreens on the top of the stage connected to the cameras and when Alan wanted to portray a witch, he would speak directly into one of the cameras, so it looked like the witch was talking right to you. Great solution to a problem. Great show all around. I would like Shakespeare more if it was done like this.



*That’s not really true. If I wrote a autobiography, it would be called Grandma Panties. So I’m still safe.

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