New York. It is indeed a helluva town.

Hello y’all! It’s been a while. I’ve been working. And sleeping at work, which is a bummer, because the couch here is a smidge too short for my body. But that is not important! What is important is that on Saturday a week ago I had a day of excitement. First I rode the double-decker tourist bus around New York for almost five hours. Every time I go to a city I make a point to take a double-decker bus tour of said city. London, Paris, Barcelona, you name it. I like them. I see things I want to check out in more detail from the top deck and I learn fun facts, it’s the greatest. I’ve never done it for Manhattan, though. And I learned so many things! Here’s a sampler platter.

  • “Manhattan” is a Native-American word meaning “Island of Many Hills”, and Manhattan used to be very lumpy. Down at the bottom of the island where everyone settled in the beginning, an effort was made to flatten out the landscape so some of the hills were dumped in the water and one of them is Ellis Island. However, when you go to Harlem it is still hilly.
  • Broadway is one of the longest streets in the world. It runs 13 miles through Manhattan.
  • Washington Square Park has a mass grave under it. 20,000 people just chucked in there.
  • There’s a restaurant in one of the two towers comprising the Time Warner buildings in Columbus Circle (Columbus Circle is the only circus left in NYC). The restaurant is Japanese and dinner for one person costs $600. SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS. I’ve eaten some good meals in my life, but that seems psycho to me. What the hell are they serving, sashimi on a solid gold plate using the Shroud of Turin as a tablecloth? Six hundred dollars. I mean, really.
  • Bellevue is most well-known for its mental health facilities, but it also has an excellent micro-surgery department where they re-attach fingers and the like. Also, Bellevue did the first transplant of a kidney from a dead person. They made organ donors a thing! Good job Bellevue.
  • Speaking of Bellevue, there are a ton of hospitals and medical facilities in the same place, giving First Avenue in that area the nickname “Bedpan Alley”.
  • There are nine Chinatowns in the New York area – one in Long Island, three in Queens and Brooklyn, etc. If you add the populations of all those Chinatowns together it is the largest group of Chinese people outside of Mainland China. There are two types of Chinese people who make up the Chinatowns. Originally it was all Cantonese, and now there’s a influx of Fuzhou people. The Cantonese and Fuzhou speak different languages, so when they talk to each other they use the lingua franca of China, which is Mandarin.
  • Originally all the entries to the subways were going to be all pretty, but after a few were built everyone got tired and now we just descend into a hole in the sidewalk. Three of the pretty subway entrance buildings still exist.
    There’s one on 72nd Street:×384.jpg
    One in Bowling Green downtown:
    And one on Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn.

So much knowledge! That was during the daylight part of the day. Then, in the evening, I met up with Snorth and her husband Speeb to watch Gotham Burlesque! I was psyched. Gotham puts on a mighty fine show, so even though I didn’t know the MC for the evening I had high hopes. And they were met, big time. The MC was Shelly Watson who is an amazing performer. She studied opera at Juilliard, but she also does Broadway classics and she had great banter with the audience. She sang songs to us and they were all flawless. If I could be reincarnated as someone, Shelly would be on my short list.

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There were some stellar burlesque performers and I was most happy with the whole situation, but then Shelly told us a dude was going to come out and perform. I won’t lie, I was not expecting much. I mean, how was he going to twirl his nipple tassels with no boobies? I was wrong. Mr. Gorgeous was the greatest thing that has ever happened in the history of things. That flight at Kitty Hawk is a distant second to Mr. Gorgeous. He came onstage, all 6’7″ of him, dressed as a hermit crab. I was smitten. Then, he seductively removed his claw and licked his antennae. His penultimate act was to remove his shell, pull out a bottle of sunscreen, and smear it all over his chest. I think at that moment I exploded. I screamed so much I thought I’d bust a blood vessel in my eye. Mr. Gorgeous ended with a small bedazzled scallop shell on his nethers. If he asked me to marry him right then and there I would have, Cricket be damned.

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Originally I was like, “Mr. Gorgeous? Really? That’s the name you picked?” But then I looked up information on him and the reason he picked it, like him, is ADORABLE. From a Village Voice article:

When [Eric Gorsuch] briefly taught art a few years ago, some of the kids couldn’t pronounce “Mr. Gorsuch” and started calling him “Mr. Gorgeous” by mistake. That turned into a running gag at the school, and it eventually became his stage name.

AWWWWW. Turns out Mr. Gorgeous is a trapeze artist and circus performer in addition to being gigantic and super-cute. AND he makes all of his own costumes. Total swoon. I loves him like kitties.

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