Festive medley.

1. Ghetto hikes. The explanation is at the top of the page. Enjoy yourself.



2. Also, emojis incorporated into works of art. After studying art history for a whole bunch of years, I enjoy this more than I probably should.



3. Ancient tooth bridge! I think it looks neat.



4. A few things I’ve noticed on my travels around New York:

a. There is a Victoria’s Secret directly downstairs from my job. I was walking past it and they had some fluffy useless-looking garment in the window.


Here’s the problem: for some reason I thought the puffs were teats and this was a garment made to look like multiple bosoms. You follow me? Like a dog. Like this.


And I was appalled. I was like, “Is this where fashion is headed??? That is quite enough of that!” But then I looked closer and realized I was wrong and felt pretty damn stupid. Teats at VS? Really, Jessica? Get it together.

b. In keeping with awkward intimates, I was walking through Chelsea where there is a large male gay population. Therefore, many window displays cater to that. I’m all for it. However, bigger is not always better. This store had a pair of shorts in the window that someone had attempted to stuff so as to convey a great amount of masculinity. But they accomplished that by shoving wads of newspapers in there, so what comes across is elephantiasis of the testicles combined with a potential hernia. That does not entice me to buy your shorts, store. Be more particular with your stuffing.


c. I bought a salad at a McDonald’s recently (have you had their Southwest Salad, because it is delicious) and I noticed a sign on their wall.


Oh, they did not bold-facedly rip off the Island of the Bahamas campaign, did they? Yes they did.

ads1 bahamas

They took the diagonal tear-drop-y shape thing with the turquoise tones and everything! Their graphic designers didn’t even try. I was not planning to go to this waterpark because I don’t feel like coming home with strange itches, but I certainly won’t now. Shame on you.

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