Archive for May, 2017

I watched Prometheus again. Here are my live-blogging notes.

Friday, May 19th, 2017

I saw Prometheus when it was in theaters and I had all the wrong reactions to it. Mainly, I laughed a lot. It is not supposed to be funny. Now that the newest installment in the Alien movies is coming out and I thought it best to rewatch Prometheus in case there are references to it. Allow me to also mention that Snorth crocheted me a squid baby like the one in Prometheus to wear in a baby bjorn to the movie theater. That’s how you know you’ve found your soul-mate. Anyway, I live-blogged my Prometheus viewing to Snorth and here are my notes. Follow along if you’d like.

 

– I have strong pervasive feelings for Michael Fassbender. I sure do like my Aryan German robots.

– When the two idiots, the redheaded geologist with the mohawk and Sweatshirt Douche are in the tunnel and the vagina-penis-snake-monster attacks them and the one idiot falls in the magic mud with a “splut” noise I started laughing so hard I had to rewind it and watch it again.

– Did I mention I’m obsessed with Fassbender? It’s not ebbing. Oh no, he just found SQUID BABY on the sonogram!!

– Dragon Tattoo whacked Scottish Game of Thrones Breastfeeding Too Long Lady in the face with a metal thing and she’s off and running!

– The Squid Baby scene is still hysterically funny, btw. I almost piddled myself.

– Oh my God I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. When the Not Especially Incredible Hulk got run over by the tanker truck, hoo, I may never recover.

– This movie is TERRIBLE. It might be my favorite comedy of all time, though.

– I really like Idris Elba. He’s an extremely likeable man.

– Oh, now it’s all boring. Old Man Priscilla Queen of the Desert is tromping around and they’re screwing around with The Engineer on life support.

– I don’t give a crap who you are, you do not get to rip the head of my robot boyfriend.

– Why does this movie even exist? It’s like a very expensive two hour long NIN video from 1997. I’m questioning everything now.

– Oh, all of you die already. Whatever, Dragon Tattoo survived. Yay, hooray. Does she and Fassbender Head go on wacky adventures together?

– The Engineer and Chtulu are fighting it out. I do not care who wins.

– I am attracted to dismembered chatty robot head. I have no standards.

– Make his dumb body carry his dumb head back to the ship! Girl, you gave yourself a c-section with a toaster oven! Take a spa day, Jesus!

– Oh hai bebbeh xenomorph! Aaaaaaaaaand we’re done.

 

Addendum: Me rockin’ the squid baby at the movie this weekend.

I’m back, everyone! Back from the dead! Like one of those pirates in the Johnny Depp pirate movies!

Saturday, May 13th, 2017

I learned only two days ago that Johnny Depp wears an earpiece with someone reading him all his lines so he doesn’t have to learn his lines. Is… is that allowed? Like for a healthy functioning human? I know Marlon Brando apparently used that technique in his later films but he was basically Jabba the Hut at that point and all manner of problems. This will make watching Johnny Depp films harder for me now, knowing what I know.

Yes, I was gone for a spell. Work consumed me and I had to deal with that. Specifically, a co-worker said he was quitting and so HOLY CRAP no one had transferred the old server contents to the new server location and I had to do it before he left because I had been employed there the longest and was most familiar with the files. I looked into the abyss, the abyss looked back, and then I organized it into neat little subsections. Proof:

You see that number? You see it? That’s ~31,000 separate documents. I looked through A LOT of them. I made up a whole new taxonomy because the old one had broken down into personal horse poop like “Folder Of That One Citi Meeting Where The CEO Was There But The CMO Was Not 2015.” That kind of thing is helping precisely no one except the person who made that folder and they probably don’t work with us anymore. So I made a new system and send out, and I’m kind of proud of this, the most boring email in the history of emails explaining how it works. The tedium drips from the words like wine.

Oh wait, it gets better. I then went around to all the people I sent the email to and point-blanke asked them if they had read it and they all got guilty looks on their faces and I tsk-tsked them so now I will give them all hard times and quiz them until they know the server structure. I am the worst and this is so much fun.

In case you were thinking, Hey Jessica, didn’t you go to Guatemala a million months ago and shouldn’t you have posted pictures by now? Yeah, yeah, I’m getting to it. It’s been busy. We’ll get there (eventually).

In the meantime, might I interest you in a link with a cool-as-hell gif?

Creating The Never-Ending Bloom: The Amazing Mathematical Wonders of John Edmark