I’ve watched a lot of TV. Let’s talk about it.

Again, as I have mentioned before, I don’t actually watch seven hours of television a day. I am crafting during that time and I glance up from time to time to check what’s going on. Really good programs to watch but not watch are cartoons and true crime. It would be extremely concerning if the police are like, “What kind of programming is Jessica into?” Then they look through my recent cable choices and immediately decide that I’m the killer. Even if they’re investigating a neighborhood fiasco involving lawn maintenance. I’m still the killer. But there are a few special shows where I hunker down with a glass of water, get all comfy in my bed and pay full attention. We’re gonna discuss two of them. There might be some spoilers. Or not. Either way I’m covering my rump with this delightful animated gif.

1. Happy. Holeeeeee crap. I don’t know if I’ve talked about this show before. I don’t care. If I have, we’re going to talk about it again. It’s based on a graphic novel and it’s on the SyFy network and it’s on its second season. Brief synopsis: A former cop named Nick Sax who is basically indestructible befriends his daughter’s imaginary friend Happy who is a plump blue unicorn / pegasus hybrid with big ole buck teeth. I do not know what the standards are for cable TV but I think they’re all gone. The show drops f-bombs here there and everywhere and the violence is bananas. Really intense and dark and messy. In the pilot episode we meet Nick who is a disgraced cop who earns his living as a murder-for-hire hitman. The mob gets involved and then there’s that imaginary friend and demon password and Christmas! This show straight-up ruins Christmas. Every week I begin the episode with a quiet “Hoo boy” to myself. I really don’t want to give away too much because shock value is a huge part of the show but occasionally they’ll put in an Easter egg for the viewers. This season Nick (who is played by the glorious and dirrrrrrrty Christopher Meloni) goes to the OTB with Happy (who is voiced by my favorite comedian Patton Oswalt) where they have the horses’ names on the wall. I paused it to read the names. In honor of Patton who also voiced the lead in Ratatouille there was a horse named “Remy the Rat.” The best one was the one they made for Chris Meloni. You may remember his fine work on Law and Order: SVU so his horse was named “Especially Heinous,” it was a very thoughtful touch. Two points you should be aware of: There are many plot points made in Season 1 that are not even remotely answered by the end. Don’t worry, they’re almost all answered in Season 2. I recommend you watch Season 1 (you’ll be a bit confused), watch Season 2 (resolutions), then watch Season 1 again. I understand soooo much more. The second thing are the actors. They are all excellent but the actor who plays Sonny Shine is outstanding. He really comes into his own in Season 2. Every scene he’s in, I can’t take my eyes off of him. I hope he gets a million more roles so I can see him in stuff forever.

 

2. Game of Thrones. C’mon, you knew this was coming. It’s the last season, we have to get into it. It’s fine if you’ve never seen it, I’ll do my best to explain. The first item that needs to be discussed is how epically crappy this season is. It is boring. Really. The damn show has dragons and I’m bored. I found an image that explains how I feel.

One of the aspects of the show that is chapping the diehard fans is the destruction of character development, specifically Daenerys Targaryen, the pretty blonde lady with the eighty-twelve braids in her hair. People are absurdly enraged.

Okay, here’s the deal for you non-watchers: For seven seasons, DT (I’m not typing out her whole name) has been all about freeing the slaves and bringing peace and harmony. Don’t get me wrong, if someone crossed her DT would have them killed in some horrific manner, but if you followed her and swore loyalty to her you were all good. Now, in the last two episodes DT has gone completely crazy and everyone is very very angry about it. Here’s my point: Last season she had three dragons that she called her children (we found out in Season 1 that DT couldn’t have children with her womby-parts so she’s called the Mother of Dragons). She had a huuuuuuge army made up of Dothraki, The Unsullied and some other peeps that I can’t remember now. She was the last Targaryen alive so the throne was hers. In, like, a month-long period two of her dragons were killed AND her bestie was beheaded in front of her AND a big chunk of her army was killed by frosty zombies AND she learned the man she’s been banging is both her nephew AND higher up on the monarchy food chain and therefore would prevent her from getting the throne AND mental illness runs in her family. Absolutely nothing is going her way. With all this it is precisely no surprise at all they she loses her damn mind. It makes complete sense to me. I’m annoyed that the series is ending on a “meh” note (remember, boring) but I don’t think the plot and character structure is destroyed. Here’s an example of dullness – Cercei is one of the biggest baddies on the show, a truly garbage person. She has done the most atrocious acts and everyone was sooo excited for how she would die. It was going to be epic. Did you know how she died? The roof caved in and she was crushed. That’s it. We didn’t even see it. A giant didn’t eat her, the frosty zombies didn’t cut her up and make some festive art with her limbs, she wasn’t hung from a window so villagers could throw moldy apples and dragon poop at her, nothing.  Zzzzzzzzzz.

Bonus show: The Good Place. I am so surprised by this show. It’s a network show so I assumed it would be pleasant and non-threatening and it was in the beginning. But shortly after it began it turns into a philosophical experiment where Emmanuel Kant and Soren Kierkegaard are regularly discussed. It’s totally worth it. I think it’s streaming on Netflix.

Addendum 5/21/19: Gosh, it feels good for professional writers to validate your comments.

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