East Africa, Part 12: Acacia Farm Lodge.

Acacia Farm Lodge was the one five-star place that I actively liked. First, they grow 75% of the food they serve and they offer you a tour of their farm. There was always a massive spread of salads which delighted me. I’ve never been so psyched about cole slaw. I found two pics off the internet to show you what I mean.

Second cool thing about Acacia Farm Lodge, you get a butler. A private butler. Which, if you’re me, requires a whole lot of getting used to because I’ve always had to buttle myself. Ours was the second from the left. He had a biblical name, something like Ezekiel. We’ll go with that. This pic is pulled from the lodge website.

The butler idea is actually pretty good, you only communicate through one person. You want a wake-up call? You tell your butler and he comes to the room to wake up you in person and bring you your desired morning beverages. I needed our laundry done because it had been over a week and things were getting fragrant. I told our butler and it was done. He escorted my mother from place to place so she didn’t fall on the stairs. My personal favorite aspect was I ordered a cappuccino one night for dinner and I didn’t like it, it was bitter. Ezekiel noticed that and then next night he brought me a different drink without me asking for one and asked me to try it. It was a latte and it was lovely. I don’t need a butler ever again in my life but it was fun to feel so fancy for a few days.

Between every suite (which was a little house) there were coffee plants.

I took the private farm tour and I learned a great deal. Get ready to also learn a great deal. They do not use pesticides to keep bugs of their plants. They use a mixture of cow urine, tobacco, ashes, rosemary and mint oil. Despite the use of the urine, the plants doesn’t smell bad at all.

I noticed this tree and grew quite fond of it. It’s from Australia and it’s gray and fluffy.

In the first field I met their scarecrow and nope. That’s a hardy nope from me. Screw the birds, I wouldn’t enter that field alone for any reason.

Lettuces.

The naturalist who was taking me around asked me to identify this plant and I couldn’t. It’s a tobacco plant.

Cabbages. Look how pretty. Aesthetic cabbages.

Bananas. They grow all year round so they are always served in the dining room. So that big thing dangling there? That’s not the flower. Those are leaves protecting the little white flowers underneath. When those purple leaves all fall off then the bananas are ready to harvest. The plant is completely cut down (it’s not a tree, it’s a very large plant) and then they plant a new one. In nine months, that one is ready to harvest. They keep that cycle going all year.

 

After they separate the coffee beans from the fruit, they use the leftover fruit to fertilize other plants on the property. Nothing is wasted.

Papaya trees. I liked how this one had arms. “Look, unto you I bequeath my papayas. Eat them, and you will never be bereft of beta-cartene.”

Mangos were out of season so I only saw the bushes.

I got to eat a passion fruit that had fallen that day. Lemme tell you, the passion fruit you get here in the cold Eastern side of America? It is like sawdust in your mouth. Fresh passion fruit is a slimy tart treat and I want all my desserts to incorporate it.

There was a magical tree, a candelabra tree, but very very old. I got to stand under it and it was a very Lord of the Rings moment. I waited for some aryan elves to emerge and be cryptic and off-putting.

The candelabra tree is poisonous but it doesn’t kill you. It makes you temporarily blind if you get some of the inner contents in your eye. The Maasai, who keep their animals in a circular paddock called a boma, smear the juice of the tree on the sticks that make up the fence. When carnivores come to try and kill the Maasai’s livestock, they invariably get some of that juice in their eyes, and they figure out maybe don’t try to steal those animals any more.

At dinner, instead of using flower arrangements the farm decorates with the food from their gardens.

And now began the most romantic relationship of my life. The Moomins and I came back to the room to see the coffee table decorated with flowers and leaves. Veronica the housekeeper also left us a note. It gave me tender feelings in my heart.

Next: The Ngorongoro Crater and the continuation of my romance.

 

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