Archive for the ‘Teh Intarwebz’ Category

Artists I am feeling right now.

Sunday, May 16th, 2021

Heather Penn. If you ask me you will learn that I can draw many things, and many things very well, but I can’t draw rocks. Cliffs, piles of rocks, I suck at them. I mean, I can draw them, they just don’t look like rocks. Sometimes they look like pillows, sometimes they look like potatoes, it varies. Therefore I am smitten and not a small bit envious of Heather Penn. Look at her lush artwork. It draws you in.

Heather sells calendars and is starting to get into 3D, I think she’s creating a game studio. https://www.instagram.com/heatpenn/?hl=en

 

Kazuma Nagai.  I first learned of this Japanese artist when I saw the silver slugs.

I dug a little deeper into his work and he gets weird. I love it.

I don’t where he sells his work but you can follow him on his instagram as well. https://www.instagram.com/slughorse/?hl=en

Sometimes I worry about Japan.

Wednesday, May 5th, 2021

I keep getting ads for a place called Sugoi Mart. They seem fine, normal, mentally sound.

But now I get different ads. Disturbing. Concerning. Off-putting.

Hey, Sugoi Mart, you okay? Do you need someone to come get you? Let me know if you need a hand there.

 

Addendum – 5/16/2021: That have posted additional products. My concern has not ebbed.

Randomry you didn’t know you needed, but you do.

Saturday, May 1st, 2021

1. Mirabelle the Snail by Snuff Puppets.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAQSNBNsUOY

The music really compliments the video. If I saw that crossing the road I would need an asthma inhaler, I’d be laughing so hard.

 

2. There’s an episode of the older Ducktales (I still know all the words to the theme song for some reason) where, in the back, the eye chart says “Ask about the Illuminati.” I’m sure conspiracy theorists got all manner of excited about that.

 

3. Did not know about this creepy-as-hell mask women used to wear. You would have to hold it in place using your teeth. I imagine your jaw would get really tired being clamped like that. Never mind the potential for drooling.

 

4. I love this. There’s a commercial for a birth control product called Paragard. The commercial has smiling dancing people. However, as the commercial ends, it is clear the director called cut and the actors were like “whatever, just give me my paycheck already.” I guess that was supposed to be edited out but it was not. The tall dude in the middle actually checks his watch. But my favorite is the curly-haired blonde on the left.

 

5. I was working at an advertising agency when I noticed a rainbow on the wall. The sun was hitting something and throwing up that rainbow. Before it was gone I ran to the window and it was an crystal award shaped like a pyramid! Pink Floyd!

 

6. I saw a sculpture that I assumed was a joke. It is not a joke. It’s a legit sculpture. With dick grabby-grabby.

The story has man-eating horses. Trust the Greek gods to be absolute lunatics.

I tried to find this sculpture as a lawn ornament but the tallest version I found was 14 inches and like $100. If anyone finds it in lawn ornament size and at a reasonable price, please let me know.

Y’all met Pixel the Demon Cat? You should.

Saturday, March 27th, 2021

There’s this cat named Pixel. He’s a lovely Cornish Rex, a breed known for being slim and alien-looking with pretty curled fur like ramen noodles. Pixel will do this thing where he curls the corners of his mouth like he’s smiling. This caused concern for some lady and she felt compelled to comment.

I saw this and was like “Hey hey now, I’m sure he’s a fine little weird-looking cat,” but I’m big enough to admit when I’m wrong and I am. This cat, on occasion, looks freaky as hell.

Let’s start with some easy ones. Pixel looks a bit intense but still super-cute. And you can appreciate the curly fur.

Sassy. That’s fine.

Now we take the turn.

Oh no.

JESUS CHRIST.

That last pic, it haunts my dreams. I love little Pixel though. He’s a wee monster. Here’s a picture of him with his owner.

And here’s a picture of him as a baby.

Despite the “grinning” I love him and I hope he only ever gets hugs and cuddles from everyone he meets.

 

Addendum: I saw pictures of Pixel from the side. I have such confusing feelings.

New Jessica Describes Stuff! This time, Mulan.

Wednesday, March 10th, 2021

Here’s my latest video, a review of the animated film Mulan. There’s some of my glorious singing in the middle there, be sure to enjoy that.

Dribs and drabs of awesome stuff.

Saturday, December 19th, 2020

1. I joined a group on Facebook called Crustacean Memes for Crabby Fiends.

I love when a someone invents a pleasant but irrelevant meme and out of nowhere it catches on and then it becomes its own thing. That is how we got Reginald.

Seems pretty innocuous. But he seemed to touch people’s hearts and a Life of Reginald was born.

Update: The Crustacean fan group is at war with the Ant fan group! And now the Snail fan group is getting involved!

 

2. When I worked at Publicis I walked past the H&M store on Fifth Avenue. Their window displays were well-designed. However, there are always choices made that are, I don’t know, odd. Counter-intuitive. Allow me to present you with an example.

Wrapped gifts! How nice. Oh, ice skates and a robot!

And a globe! Globes are a great gift. So round and informative.

Wow, a motorcycle!

Musical instruments!

And an enormous cactus. In a bathtub. Wrapped. Like gifts.

That threw me for a loop every time I saw that.

Also in the Rockefeller Center is a Cole Haan store. Cole Haan is pleasant, I loved a purse they had twenty years ago and I loved their summer lobster flip flops a couple years back but that’s pretty much it. Again with the however, they were doing some all-over approach with spikes and I am here for it.

Those shoes are great. If they come in black I will struggle not to buy them. So minimal but then spikes.

 

3. I don’t know what I’ve clicked on to get Facebook to get these news articles but I am a-okay with it.

 

4. Billie Eilish is a musician that’s very popular right now. Someone did a cover of one of her songs on a variety of pumpkins and I might like it better than the original.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlzqHmUqrfM

 

5. I saw a man walking his chicken on a leash in New York. It was a very good-natured chicken.

 

6. And finally, at first glance I was CONVINCED this was someone massaging legs that were horribly broken in a car accident, not someone making bread.

A video for desperately-needed entertainment.

Sunday, November 8th, 2020

The 2020 election was making me crazy so to distract myself I made a video reviewing the classic Silence of the Lambs. I found it healing.

Wut.

Sunday, October 18th, 2020

Let’s try to break this down. There’s God Loves “You” with the quotes which is concerning, then He Coming Soon which is not great grammatically but okay. There’s that bench in the back that looks very homemade and extremely uncomfortable and the F or E minus behind the compost container or whatever that is. Then there’s the child’s outfit with a broomstick impaled through it in the large bucket of dirt which is lovely nightmare fuel. Finally there’s the title and yes, I realize the linked article covers several topics of the day but still, what is even happening. I feel uncomfortable and unsafe by all of this.

The future is gettin’ real off-putting.

Sunday, September 27th, 2020

Deepfakes, y’all. Here, a definition:

Deepfakes (a portmanteau of “deep learning” and “fake”) are synthetic media in which a person in an existing image or video is replaced with someone else’s likeness. … Deepfakes have garnered widespread attention for their uses in celebrity pornographic videos, revenge porn, fake news, hoaxes, and financial fraud. This has elicited responses from both industry and government to detect and limit their use.

Dangerous stuff. You can convince anyone of anything if you’re not careful, and in this day and age with the disintegration of definitive facts this could go downhill mighty quick. Which is why I’m not surprised one of the first times I see this technology is swapping Willem Dafoe into distinctly not Willem Dafoe situations.

And, without a doubt, my favorite. Truly nightmarish AND my favorite Spice Girls song. It’s everything I could ask for.

BONUS: The opening of “Full House” but with all Nick Offermans. You didn’t know you needed this, but you do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=57&v=aUphMqs1vFw&feature=emb_logo

Growth and knowledge via the Internet.

Saturday, December 21st, 2019

I went to Mexico! To look at art! And Oakland California! Where I ended up looking at art! Now I’m back. While I go through my gross dirty laundry and my stack of photos please enjoy these informative treasures.

 

1. This is a long read but it’s totally worth it. I was blown away.

https://pricklylegs.tumblr.com/post/188456524966/synebluetoo-costumersupportdept

 

2. There’s a man who makes things and I delight in watching him work. His name is Bobby Duke and not only is he talented as hell, he is also charming and has a Southern accent. I do love me an accent.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkbJemDY-00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBcjGlXuQAI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSFPG1ACz5g

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taF0nY9GqMg

 

3. I saw a video where a gorgeous male elk walked reeeeeeal close to some men who I think were fishing. The elk was so majestic. He turned his face toward the camera and made his call which sounded… piercing and otherworldly. I don’t know what I expected an elk call to sound like but it wasn’t this.

https://pricklylegs.tumblr.com/post/188374421161

I thought this elk might have been an anomaly but apparently not

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20PET6-Hr_c

I think it’s pretty amazing. People compare it to the sound the undead tormented nazguls make in Lord of the Rings but now that I know it comes out of such a cool creature I don’t find it frightful at all.

 

4. No one think of the cameraman.

https://blizzardofjj.tumblr.com/post/188492221581/nobody-thinks-of-the-cameraman

 

Update: Apparently EVERYONE knows the sound an elk makes except me. I am disappointed in myself for not knowing the calls of antlered mammals but I guess you can’t know everything. Hopefully this disappointment will ebb.

Update on the update: It has not ebbed.