Archive for the ‘Teh Intarwebz’ Category

The Tale of Sharon and The Pie of Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2022

This is a year old already which in Internet Years is four billion but it’s still worth sharing. Here’s the deal: This was the image that got all the attention.

The Internet went ape.

Then Phyllis showed up.

And The Internet (which I have made a large globular sentient being and that’s fine) was like “The Green Bean Incident??? Tell us everything!!”

The whole thing is magnificent and the only people I feel sorry for are the people also named Sharon Weiss who woke up one morning with a ton of unwarranted comments. My thoughts and prayers go out to them.

Some artists I am feelin’ right now.

Monday, June 27th, 2022

Warning: Strong language in some images. If your work is cool with that, go ahead. If not, don’t.

Alchememeist.

This person makes art that looks like it’s from a video game or D&D and then puts statements of importance, often of a political bent and often in the style of Lisa Frank. I find this artist delightful. The first one I saw was this one:

As a rock, stone, mineral and fossil collector, I adored it. The second one I saw:

As someone who does not bring their cups to the kitchen in a timely manner, this was also a big hit for me. Then the third one:

That’s it. I was on board with the Alchememeist hard. I joined the Facebook group and I was awash in the riches of the designs. Please, enjoy. And make sure the read the small text on the images. They are totally worth it.

Sometimes there is a category called “Gender of The Week” and I really get a kick out of the choices of items.

Because I like to support artists, I bought this shirt and wore it to the Mermaid Parade where it totally fit in.

 

 

Jeremy Fish. Yes, yes, I’ve talked about him before. Several times. But Jeremy Fish keeps making art so I have to keep posting. This is his latest series with the original sketches which is unusual, he doesn’t normally share those.

 

 

And finally, drag queens. I don’t like game shows so I don’t watch RuPaul’s Drag Race, but I watch everything around it and in that way I get to see the makeup and outfits these people come up with. Often, it is stellar. Check it out.

Come and get y’alls charts!

Thursday, June 23rd, 2022

This isn’t really a chart but it’s very informative nonetheless.

And this isn’t funny but it’s important.

The cornucopia of internet has been bountiful this year.

Tuesday, June 7th, 2022

1. Lies! I have been fed lies! I was today years old when I realized quite how jacked up our world maps are. Seriously. You ain’t ready.

You know how Asia is a billion times bigger than the U.S.? It’s not. Canada’s not that much bigger either. And Antarctica is wee compared to the mammoth island we assumed it was.

 

2.  It was also extremely recently when I learned this about eel teeth.

I was still recovering from the Alien jaws-within-jaws thing some eels are bringing to the horrifying table and then see-through toofers had to show up. It’s too much, eels. Take it down a notch.

 

3. Today is all about education. This is what that container of ice cream is called. Not that I ever thought about it but now I know so that’s cool. I can store that in my mind with “plastic ends of shoelaces are called aglets.”

 

4. One final nugget of knowledge: If I ever go back to Japan, I’m visiting this island.

Poison gas AND potential snorkeling? I’m 100% on board.

 

Artists I am feeling right now.

Sunday, May 16th, 2021

Heather Penn. If you ask me you will learn that I can draw many things, and many things very well, but I can’t draw rocks. Cliffs, piles of rocks, I suck at them. I mean, I can draw them, they just don’t look like rocks. Sometimes they look like pillows, sometimes they look like potatoes, it varies. Therefore I am smitten and not a small bit envious of Heather Penn. Look at her lush artwork. It draws you in.

Heather sells calendars and is starting to get into 3D, I think she’s creating a game studio. https://www.instagram.com/heatpenn/?hl=en

 

Kazuma Nagai.  I first learned of this Japanese artist when I saw the silver slugs.

I dug a little deeper into his work and he gets weird. I love it.

I don’t where he sells his work but you can follow him on his instagram as well. https://www.instagram.com/slughorse/?hl=en

Sometimes I worry about Japan.

Wednesday, May 5th, 2021

I keep getting ads for a place called Sugoi Mart. They seem fine, normal, mentally sound.

But now I get different ads. Disturbing. Concerning. Off-putting.

Hey, Sugoi Mart, you okay? Do you need someone to come get you? Let me know if you need a hand there.

 

Addendum – 5/16/2021: That have posted additional products. My concern has not ebbed.

Randomry you didn’t know you needed, but you do.

Saturday, May 1st, 2021

1. Mirabelle the Snail by Snuff Puppets.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAQSNBNsUOY

The music really compliments the video. If I saw that crossing the road I would need an asthma inhaler, I’d be laughing so hard.

 

2. There’s an episode of the older Ducktales (I still know all the words to the theme song for some reason) where, in the back, the eye chart says “Ask about the Illuminati.” I’m sure conspiracy theorists got all manner of excited about that.

 

3. Did not know about this creepy-as-hell mask women used to wear. You would have to hold it in place using your teeth. I imagine your jaw would get really tired being clamped like that. Never mind the potential for drooling.

 

4. I love this. There’s a commercial for a birth control product called Paragard. The commercial has smiling dancing people. However, as the commercial ends, it is clear the director called cut and the actors were like “whatever, just give me my paycheck already.” I guess that was supposed to be edited out but it was not. The tall dude in the middle actually checks his watch. But my favorite is the curly-haired blonde on the left.

 

5. I was working at an advertising agency when I noticed a rainbow on the wall. The sun was hitting something and throwing up that rainbow. Before it was gone I ran to the window and it was an crystal award shaped like a pyramid! Pink Floyd!

 

6. I saw a sculpture that I assumed was a joke. It is not a joke. It’s a legit sculpture. With dick grabby-grabby.

The story has man-eating horses. Trust the Greek gods to be absolute lunatics.

I tried to find this sculpture as a lawn ornament but the tallest version I found was 14 inches and like $100. If anyone finds it in lawn ornament size and at a reasonable price, please let me know.

Y’all met Pixel the Demon Cat? You should.

Saturday, March 27th, 2021

There’s this cat named Pixel. He’s a lovely Cornish Rex, a breed known for being slim and alien-looking with pretty curled fur like ramen noodles. Pixel will do this thing where he curls the corners of his mouth like he’s smiling. This caused concern for some lady and she felt compelled to comment.

I saw this and was like “Hey hey now, I’m sure he’s a fine little weird-looking cat,” but I’m big enough to admit when I’m wrong and I am. This cat, on occasion, looks freaky as hell.

Let’s start with some easy ones. Pixel looks a bit intense but still super-cute. And you can appreciate the curly fur.

Sassy. That’s fine.

Now we take the turn.

Oh no.

JESUS CHRIST.

That last pic, it haunts my dreams. I love little Pixel though. He’s a wee monster. Here’s a picture of him with his owner.

And here’s a picture of him as a baby.

Despite the “grinning” I love him and I hope he only ever gets hugs and cuddles from everyone he meets.

 

Addendum: I saw pictures of Pixel from the side. I have such confusing feelings.

New Jessica Describes Stuff! This time, Mulan.

Wednesday, March 10th, 2021

Here’s my latest video, a review of the animated film Mulan. There’s some of my glorious singing in the middle there, be sure to enjoy that.

Dribs and drabs of awesome stuff.

Saturday, December 19th, 2020

1. I joined a group on Facebook called Crustacean Memes for Crabby Fiends.

I love when a someone invents a pleasant but irrelevant meme and out of nowhere it catches on and then it becomes its own thing. That is how we got Reginald.

Seems pretty innocuous. But he seemed to touch people’s hearts and a Life of Reginald was born.

Update: The Crustacean fan group is at war with the Ant fan group! And now the Snail fan group is getting involved!

 

2. When I worked at Publicis I walked past the H&M store on Fifth Avenue. Their window displays were well-designed. However, there are always choices made that are, I don’t know, odd. Counter-intuitive. Allow me to present you with an example.

Wrapped gifts! How nice. Oh, ice skates and a robot!

And a globe! Globes are a great gift. So round and informative.

Wow, a motorcycle!

Musical instruments!

And an enormous cactus. In a bathtub. Wrapped. Like gifts.

That threw me for a loop every time I saw that.

Also in the Rockefeller Center is a Cole Haan store. Cole Haan is pleasant, I loved a purse they had twenty years ago and I loved their summer lobster flip flops a couple years back but that’s pretty much it. Again with the however, they were doing some all-over approach with spikes and I am here for it.

Those shoes are great. If they come in black I will struggle not to buy them. So minimal but then spikes.

 

3. I don’t know what I’ve clicked on to get Facebook to get these news articles but I am a-okay with it.

 

4. Billie Eilish is a musician that’s very popular right now. Someone did a cover of one of her songs on a variety of pumpkins and I might like it better than the original.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlzqHmUqrfM

 

5. I saw a man walking his chicken on a leash in New York. It was a very good-natured chicken.

 

6. And finally, at first glance I was CONVINCED this was someone massaging legs that were horribly broken in a car accident, not someone making bread.