Archive for the ‘Teh Intarwebz’ Category

The time has come for charts.

Monday, November 11th, 2019

I included these pictures of gourds and pumpkins because I am loving the names.

And this isn’t really a chart situation but I find the comments delightful.

Caitlyn the Mortician and an origami cat.

Friday, October 18th, 2019

I’ve spoken on many an occasion about how much I like Caitlyn the Mortician. Here and here, specifically. Snorth got tickets to see Caitlyn live on her book tour and since both Snorth and I are big fans we decided to combine our talents to make Caitlyn a present. We decided on a unique origami cat. Snorth folded one and I took it and drew spookiness all over it. I tried to make it special by putting the date and “4 C8lin” (“For Caitlin”) on the back of the head.

Then I unfolded it and smoothed it flat.

It turns out that all the illustrations were on one side of the paper which is good because you don’t have to worry about the front and the back lining up when it’s printed. I photographed the unfolded drawing and brought it into Illustrator and made a elegant crisp Illustrator file from it with some slight modifications so it’s wouldn’t be an issue if during the folding process things were not exactly lined up (Snorth called it paper creep).

After Snorth printed and folded the new Illustrator version I decided it needed some festive glitter so I took one of my nail polishes and jazzed it up a bit with a dotting tool.

Because unless you have fancy cameras and lights the glitter never shows up properly here is the nail polish I used, First Class by ILNP. You can appreciate the holo.

And Caitlyn loved it! Here is the photo of her and Snorth and Snorth’s niece.

I’d like to think it’s on display somewhere in her home or office.

Internet things I have come across in my travels (on the www, I didn’t leave the house.)

Sunday, October 13th, 2019

1. Evelyn from the Internets. She has existed for a looooong time but I only came across her recently when I clicked on a video about the origin of “Black sounding” names. Really interesting btw, I learned a lot. Who knew French was such a big part of it? Not me, you know, until now. I thought hey maybe this nice person has more videos and then I crawled into her YouTube page and I have not emerged for days. I will now post some of my favorites.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=575LByUKT00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KWHfNxntlQ&t

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR1iO5J1mK4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVie7O6lF1Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6b2aN-yKrQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhTrCCdCVm0

 

2. Does everyone remember the great kid who captured his relationship with the local deer back in 2016? If not, here you go:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1IRrZEmBe0

Guess what happened in 2019??

https://coldgamekelv.tumblr.com/post/186343370606/my-girl-canela-is-out-here-enjoying-her-hot-girl

 

3. This is a thing that is.

This is not the first charitable act Pornhub has done. I never stop being amused by their actions. In addition to the scholarship referenced below, Pornhub had a $25,000 scholarship for women in STEM. You don’t have to be in the adult entertainment industry, you simply need to answer their essay question like any other scholarship. I would love to work on Pornhub’s charity projects. UPDATE: Oh, Pornhub is Canadian. That explains the niceness.

This video is Safe For Work so no worries.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=18&v=s6R1iwsHdAk

 

4. Anderson.Paak’s “Come Down.” I heard a short bit of this song in an ad and I looked for it. It’s a real tight song and wait a second, are they sampling the Israeli national anthem??

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OqrcUvrbRY

It’s the only national anthem I know all the words to other than the American one. And it turns out, yes, this dope track sampled the Israeli national anthem which is famously morose. Good job, whoever produced “Come Down.” Eclectic choice, I like that.

The Israeli national anthem *: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMwSlp7I7IQ

 

* Which I now found out sampled from Smetana’s “Moldau” and that drew its inspiration from a Scandinavian folk song so errybody sampling errybody .

The enigma of Maureen Maher.

Sunday, September 29th, 2019

As I have mentioned numerous times I watch an absurd amount of television. Like, borderline unconscionable. I do like me those one hour crime stories. I’ve watched a lot of 48 Hours and in the process I’ve seen a lot of host Maureen Maher. Here’s the deal: Most of these hosts stand in front of a benign pattern  / green screen wearing a dark-colored whatever and tell the intro and outro of the story. Not Maureen. Maureen shows up every time in a complex leather jacket with a lot of flaps and buttons. If she’s in front of a green screen it’s got a run-down warehouse on it (why?) and she’ll often hold her hands in weird positions in front of her torso like she’s a noble in Louis XIV’s court. I did some research and apparently others have noticed this.

 

I consider this a true diamond image in a pile of coal images. We’ve got an flappity jacket, a crappy 3D warehouse AND Maureens’s doing something extra-weird with her hands, making a portal or stargate of some kind. It’s all-encompassing. I feel like I’ve been blessed.

I have seen things, virtual things.

Thursday, July 11th, 2019

1. Are you aware of this? So cool.

https://l-ile-des-confidences.tumblr.com/post/177811016113/erdal-enci-who-clones-multiple-recordings-of

 

2. This is the best art. I want to live in this place more than anything. I ache to rest my tired body in a giant cat, or a fox, or a bunny in an ice cave covered with orb-shaped blue birds. Make sure you click on Page 2 to see all of them.

https://ruinedchildhood.com/post/185958521684/illustrator-imagines-a-world-where-gentle-giant

 

3. Was this a necessity? Did the world crave this to the point it needed to be made? It’s very… specific.

4. This animation is stellar. The rotoscoping* of Cab Calloway as a ghost is particularly great.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFBx3qYGxL8

 

*To rotoscope is to trace a live action film frame by frame to create an animation precise to actual movements and forms. A well-known example is the “Take On Me” video.

 

5. In the process of looking for A-Ha gifs I found this (make sure your sound is on):

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=503281129866329

Which led me to this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zv02k3blZZw

Which led me to THIS (which really has very little to do with the other two but is too great not to share):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDXIa8ivFEc

Now I’m following @Ghetto.Spider on Instagram. I may watch this video ten times in a row for I snort-laugh every time I see it. I want to be in that parking lot so bad.

https://www.instagram.com/p/ByYaNEhh-Np/

 

Treasures from the internet.

Wednesday, May 29th, 2019

Seriously, how much garbage-y garbage do you see on an average day whilst surfing the web? I found a example of what most of my blinking ads look like:

It’s annoying. But there’s some great nuggets to be discovered under the detritus. Let’s delve together.

1. Ask a Mortician. Have you been watching this on YouTube? I mentioned the channel back in 2013 but only now have I truly sat down and watched many many oh so many episodes. Caitlin Doughty is incredibly informative and charming and I love her and would want to be her friend if she lived in NY (sadly, her home base is LA). I love the opening credits that feature her now-deceased Siamese cat The Meow fluttering like an angel.

The episodes I liked best so far:

Closing Mouths Postmortem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8RtdsKQYZg

What is the Oldest Mummy in the World? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF4vL7p-jI0

Vultures, Forensics and Border Policy – Why Migrant Bodies Disappear: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNow5soA714

Adipocere aka Corpse Wax: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gi0Gi0sqXwg&t=360s

Exhumation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0cvVyIEfHI

Iconic Corpse – Eva Peron: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIwj0ybenmM

Caitlyn has some books and a blog and she runs a very nice mortuary, I like her. I know I mentioned that earlier but I feel the need to reiterate.

 

2. I have a HORRENDOUS sense of direction. Before map apps if something was happening below 14th Street I refused to go because it was off the grid and I would get lost immediately. I’ve gotten lost in my hometown, the place I lived in for the first eighteen years of my life, a town that is nine miles square. It is not a cute quality. But I would venture into all the wilds if penguins would guide me on my way.

https://www.geek.com/apps/japanese-aquarium-uses-penguins-to-make-the-best-ar-app-ever-1599745/

Hey, computer inventor folk! Penguin guides for everything! I will accept not-penguins but I still want animals to lead me places. Waddling animals preferred. Get crackin’.

 

3. Additional item that’s not really internet-related but I want to share it anyway: When I went to Mexico for my beading class I saw some truly stellar alebrijes. Click here for explanation and examples. The most drool-worthy artists are Jacobo y Maria Angeles, a community of artists who make the most phenomenal alebrijes. If you saw the movie Coco by Pixar you may remember the alebrijes, specifically the rabbit-frog who spoke to me on a deep level.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8wpoIZj9iM

Pixar got much of their inspiration from the Angeles art community.

The whole point of this recap is that I saw a piece by them and I want it. I want it bad. Three words: Gold leaf eyelids.

And the pattern. And the tail that wraps around the body. It’s all the greatest. After I spend all my money on this I will live in a cardboard box with my beloved… lizard? and it will be glorious.

Handling business.

Friday, November 30th, 2018

While I am dealing with all the work hooblehoo going on right now, I thought it would be a good idea for you to read about this man. He is like a real life Batman. I am impressed. Also he has spectacularly white teeth. I am impressed by that as well.

abyssalthaumaturge:

Holy sh*t. Nah dude look up the entire story, it’s INSANE.

The dude got arrested once before this for using a painter’s extension rod to point the stoplight cameras into the sky instead of cutting the wires. He didn’t cut the wires until AFTER he got out after being arrested the first time–which he did after posting facebook videos that prove that the stoplights are intentionally rigged to trick drivers into citations–the yellow lights at intersections with cameras only last THREE SECONDS, as opposed to the five seconds they last at other stoplights without cameras in the same county.

When he cut the camera cords, he reported his deeds to the news -himself,- and then politicians pressured the local police force into arresting him. The local police and sheriff deputies actually SUPPORT him for his actions because the lights have been killing innocent people! During his most recent arrest, one of the Sheriff’s Deputies actually -offered to bail him out-.

When he got home again after these incidents, there was a surveillance camera planted at his house BY THE GOVERNMENT to watch him! His reaction to being surveilled? He painted over the camera in America’s flat out f*cking ballsiest “f*ck you” to the gubmint I’ve ever heard of.

And it gets EVEN CRAZIER. After painting over the camera, suddenly this guy–his name is Stephen Ruth by the way–started GETTING ATTEMPTS ON HIS LIFE. He reports that a car intentionally tried to hit him in a head-on collision, and after talking about the car to his neighbors, they confirmed that the car in question (Or at least, one that was visibly identical, its occupants included) had been staking out his house! Somebody was legitimately trying to MURDER HIM over his discovery and his actions!

As a final insult to injury, Ruth pointed out that the VAST majority of the cameras were found SPECIFICALLY in lower-to-middle-class neighborhoods. As well, the victims of these rigged stoplights tried to go to the local news station to talk about the deaths of their family members that occurred from the rigging. Aaaand… The local station, “News12,? never aired their interviews.

Remember how I said that, after cutting the cables and calling the local news station, Ruth was arrested because of pressure from politicians? Get this: News12 is actually owned by CableVision, who PROVIDES INTERNET SERVICE TO THE CAMERAS.

Whereas mister Ruth was only trying to help people and save lives, he’s been caught up in a full-blown f*cking government conspiracy that’s out for his blood. This guy isn’t Robin Hood, he makes Robin Hood look like a -CHUMP-.

Character actors that I dig very, very hard.

Monday, October 8th, 2018

You know when you’re watching something and an actor shows up and you’re like “Heeeey! It’s that guy! Yeah!” Those are character / supporting actors and I have a few favorites. I occasionally will watch some supercrappy TV or movie simply because one of my favorites is in it. For example, The Leftovers on HBO. If you have depression avoid that show like the plague. My friend called it “grief porn” and it is a colossal bummer. BUT Ann Dowd is in it and therefore I watched one and a half seasons before I had to tap out. So let’s go through my list. I’m sure you have a list of your own. In no particular order:

1. Ann Dowd.

Since we mentioned her let’s start with her. God, I love her. The first time I really paid attention to her was in the first season of True Detective. She’s only in the last episode but whooo is she memorable. Then I started noticing her all over the place. Right now Ann Dowd is a major character on The Handmaid’s Tale and she is KILLING it on that show. Check out her IMDB and see some of her stuff, you won’t regret it.

2. Giancarlo Esposito 

One role. I’ve only seen him in one role. But it’s one of the best pieces of acting I’ve ever seen. Holy crap. Giancarlo’s performance on Breaking Bad was unreal. He plays Gus Fring and if you haven’t watched any of Breaking Bad find out when he starts onscreen and when he finishes and watch those episodes because it is worth it. I just looked at his IMDB page and I see he’s in two of the Maze Runner movies so I’ll now be watching the Maze Runner series of films. I must consume more Giancarlo.

3. Allison Janney

Allison was a slow, slow burn for me. I remember her from American Beauty and I thought she was great there even though she had maybe three lines. Then I saw her in Juno and I thought she was delightful there. Then I finally got around to seeing all of The West Wing and of course she was iconic there. Recently I saw I, Tonya and my goodness, her performance is so on point. It’s really easy for that specific character to become a total cartoon but Allison kept it vaguely grounded. Now I’m watching Mom which is a sitcom on CBS. I actively dislike comedies with laugh tracks (I can figure out where the funny is all by myself, thanks so much) but she’s on it, so I’m gritting my teeth and getting through it. The actor coming up next is also on the show so I’m holding on for that as well.

4. William Fichtner (pronounced Fikner, ignore the T)

Oh my God, I love him. I love him so much. I love how he moves his hands. I love his weird hatchet-esque profile. William has been in everything ever. I cannot remember the first place I saw him but he keeps popping up in TV, movies, apparently he does voiceover for video games, the man keeps busy. I was so psyched when I saw William in the opening of The Dark Knight. I am shocked – SHOCKED! – that the incredibly creepy look he gives when the bank is being brutally robbed is not a meme. It can be used for like eight or nine emotions. C’mon Internet, get it together.

5. The entire supporting cast of The Shawshank Redemption

The Shawshank Redemption is my #1 movie ever. I own it on DVD but if it;’s on TNT with commercials I still have to watch it. I know every line now. As you know if you’ve seen it it’s got a pretty big cast. So every time I see one of the side actors in a different show playing a different role I get very excited. Perfect example: There’s a character in Shawshank called Boggs. He is a rapey psychopath who speaks very quietly and makes your skin crawl. A stellar performance. Therefore imagine my delight when watching Turn: Washington’s Spies and there’s that guy playing a regular-degular guy. Hi actor Mark Rolston! I’m glad you’re not typecast as a gross manifestation of a prison nightmare!

6. The entire supporting cast of Orange is the New Black

I don’t feel like I have to explain this. The people on this show, my goodness. Hey, I watched several seasons of How To Get Away With Murder because Matt McCorry is on it. I HATE that show. It’s a soap opera that airs at night and it’s ridiculous. So many implausible murders and kidnapped babies! But Matt was in it so I watched it. If Crazy Eyes or Black Cindy or Chang are in a major motion picture you bet your sweet butt I would I would go to see it. The sheer talent on the show is immense.

 

The internet has released its bounty and we are grateful for it.

Thursday, October 4th, 2018

1. In Amsterdam they were putting in a new tunnel near or under the Amstel River so whatever the engineers pulled off the bottom of the river was organized and displayed. Some of the items are quite old. I would fly to Amsterdam to see this if I could.

 

2. I don’t like horses normally but I would learn to ride just so I could ride this horse. Holy crap, this horse is amazing. I HAVE ARRIVED AT THE SUPERMARKET ON MY MASSIVE PREHISTORIC STEED. FEAR ME AS I PICK UP SOME ESSENTIALS LIKE TOILET PAPER AND YOGURT.

 

3. There’s an aquarium in New Zealand where they have penguins. Some of the penguins are good. Some are bad. Here are the reports.

       

 

4. These are all excellent responses if you’re transgender and you get that ever-so-common question. I heartily approve of all of these.

 

5. This is the best description of a thing possibly ever. I would like to be described like this. #Lovely #Skulking #Riparian #Denizen

 

6. Also from Audubon, an article about coot feet. I’ve always wondered about them and now all has been revealed.

https://www.audubon.org/news/better-know-bird-american-coot-and-its-wonderfully-weird-feet

 

7. Final bird thing: I saw this and immediately began singing Taps. Go with God, Chandelier Dove.

Bonus: An oldie but a goodie – When Obvious Plant renamed paint colors.

http://obviousplant.com/post/121284665608/follow-obvious-plant-on-facebook

Some good design. And some less good design. One might say garbage design.

Tuesday, September 25th, 2018

I encounter a lot of design choices every day. Possibly no more than any other person, but I’m hyper-aware of them due to my career. I’ve talked about how I have binders full of design ideas that I collect in a folder and print out from time to time. So when I see good design it jumps out at me. And when it’s not good it also jumps out at me but it also vomits ectoplasm in my face like the ghosts in Ghostbusters. Let’s start with the good.

Some people have problems with their joints – they pop out, they’re too loose, they click and hurt. Normally they have to wear lame finger and wrist devices that are boring and sterile-looking, it’s an outfit-killer for sure. Which is why when I saw Silver Ring Splint Company I was impressed. Good for them, creating things of beauty out of necessity.

And now onto less good design.We’ll start with something light. I walk past a McDonald’s on my way to work and my distance eyesight is getting worse due to sitting in front of a computer all day so when I saw this sign I could not make out the “Our” smashed in between the “Join” and “Team.” I therefore read it in as a yelling Russian voice. “JOIN TEAM! YOU JOIN TEAM NOW!!” Until I walked up close to it and saw the “Our” I thought McDonald’s was getting a bit aggressive in their tactics.

Second unfortunate example: Whilst perusing Amazon or some such site I saw a banner ad at the top of my screen. I think they were going for a cloud with three bottles of Olay on it.

What I saw (because humans are predisposed to see faces in objects) was a wino who was down on his luck. Maybe just too many Christmases alone, or maybe his liver is finally giving out. I’ll zoom in so you can see.

Here’s a version I photoshopped to make it even clearer for you.

My point being my first reaction to this ad was not “I want to smear your fancy skin cream on my face” but more like “I am concerned about the homeless senior citizens is my area.”

The answer to this is easy: Never structure a group of products in anything that might be construed as a face. Three bottles in a row, decreasing in size. Simple. Non-facelike. I will make you a rough example.

See? That took me approximately fifteen minutes max and while it’s far from perfect you know what it doesn’t conjure in your mind? An alcoholic who looks like the physical manifestation of a defeated sigh.

Third and final failure of design: I also walk past Sax Fifth Avenue on my way to work and they change their windows up pretty regularly. Most of the windows are awesome tailored suits for women. I liked almost all of them. Look at this series of baller jackets and pants.

And nope. This is a hard nope right here.

Taking a shapeless garment and hot-gluing a bra onto the front of it with the hook parts hanging down ain’t gonna cut it. If one person says it’s fashion I will throw my shoe at them like that guy and President Bush, so intense will be my rage. C’mon now.